on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
