we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
