Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Please, let me fuck your mom
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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