i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
FUCK WHALES
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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