My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
