"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize