I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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