Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize