yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
