I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
