I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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