she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
