Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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