why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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