I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
