i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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