Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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