drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
