i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
