Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
