I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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