Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
