Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
