Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
