Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
