I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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