You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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