I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
