is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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