Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
