She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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