I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize