i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
