I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
