Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
