I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
