Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
