Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
