Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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