We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize