But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
