We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
