one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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