I wish I could punch you in the face.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
