I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
