I am puke
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
