I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
