You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
