Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
