my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize