No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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