Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
