I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
