Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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