If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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