I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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