Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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