Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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