No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We named our party play list daddy issues
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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