I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
