i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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