goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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