I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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