I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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