my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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