please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize