Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize