Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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