So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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