Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
