Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
