Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize