i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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