matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize