I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
wow bdsm is so cute
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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