Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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