Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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