My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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