My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
