So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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