Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
