The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
