HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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