My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
