can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
