I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
