I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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