The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
