Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
