I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I still have a little drunk in my system
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
