Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
