covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
