Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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