God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize